The Visits

Part II

2012: Marshall captivates my boys.

2012: Drake tries and fails to hide his adoration of this adorable baby.

2009: Marshall, Maribel, Hali (with gymnastics bling), me, and my first little guy, M.

2014: Piano for 6 hands, featuring Hali, M (5) and D (3)

2014: Marshall carries D, 3, who complained of being too hot and tired to walk and who I absolutely refused to carry.

​My then-husband Adam and I skipped across the globe in those early days of marriage, but we always managed to return to Poughkeepsie every other year (or so). When Adam couldn't join me, I showed up without him. I never considered that it might be uncouth to simply announce my arrival date and ask the Pregnalls to make up the guest room; it never occurred to me that it was bad form to invite myself over.  Of course, it wasn't bad form with them.  They were family.

​The only concern we might have for the visit was whether or not they would be home on the given days.  They were, shall we say, an active family: climbing each of the forty-six 4,000 foot peaks in the Adirondacks together as a family, SCUBA diving in the Galapagos, initiating local projects to save nesting turtles, shuttling Hali to gymnastics meets, coaxing Drake to speak occasionally, and, in their spare time, working as science educators at the high school and college levels.  

Such shenanigans, as outlined in their biannual holiday letter (always delivered with affable apologies for the skipped year), unfailingly coaxed the same response from Adam:  "why are they friends with us, again?"  The Pregnalls were and are over-achievers who somehow never made us feel like our contribution to the world was any less important than their own.

Watching Drake and Hali step into care-giving roles with my sons represented a magical evolution; watching Marshall and Maribel play with my own children as I had played with theirs brought such a unique brand of joy to my heart, it's foolish to attempt to describe it.

During one visit, I remember thumbing through an introductory biology book laying casually about their house.  When I found the short list of means by which organisms survive (e.g. predation, herbivory), I was appalled to find 'parasitic' on the list. "That's not fair," I complained to Marshall.  "Parasites don't do any of their own work!  They're just lazy cheaters!"  Marshall refrained from rolling his eyes, but barely.  "Evy," he said patiently.  "It is the fate of most living creatures to meet their demise by being eaten alive.  This isn't about fair."

Thank you, Marshall, for setting that stage. Because, though it doesn't make the injustice of your death any less unjust, it helps reframe the pain caused by your early departure.  And it reminds me, in general, to keep problems in perspective. And also: it makes me laugh and remember you.  So thanks, again.

Part III >